Crisis Calm Tools

Your child's brain is in survival mode. The thinking part of their brain (prefrontal cortex) is temporarily offline while the emotional and survival parts are in charge.

Take a deep breath. Your calm presence is the most powerful regulation tool.

Try saying: "I see this is hard. I'm here with you. You're safe."

Get on their level, use a soft voice, and offer physical proximity if welcomed.

Try saying: "I'm right here with you. We'll get through this together."

Help identify the emotion without judgment.

Try saying: "It looks like you're feeling overwhelmed right now. That's okay."

Suggest a calming activity or breathing together.

Try saying: "Would you like to take some deep breaths with me or find a quiet space?"

Grounding Exercise

Your child may be processing difficult emotions or memories. Their brain might be conserving energy by withdrawing.

Offer gentle presence without pressure to talk.Try saying: "I'm here if you want to talk, or we can just sit together quietly."

Let them know all feelings are acceptable.Try saying: "It's okay to feel sad. Everyone feels sad sometimes."

Suggest comfort items or activities they enjoy.Try saying: "Would you like your favorite blanket or to listen to some music together?" 

Anger often masks fear or hurt. Your child's stress response is activated, making it hard for them to think clearly or use words effectively.

Keep your voice, face, and body language neutral.

Try saying: "I see you're feeling really angry right now."

Give physical space while ensuring safety.

Try saying: "I'm right here when you're ready. You're safe to feel your feelings."

Suggest physical or sensory activities to release energy.

Try saying: "Would it help to squeeze this pillow or take a quick walk outside?"

Your child's brain is in full fight-or-flight mode. They cannot access reasoning or logic until they feel safe again.

Quickly determine if anyone is in immediate danger.Try saying: "I can see you're having big feelings. Let's make sure everyone stays safe."

Reduce stimulation and remove potential weapons or dangers.Try saying: "Let's move to a quieter space where we can work through this."

Short, clear statements without questions or reasoning.Try saying: "You are safe. I am here. We'll get through this."

Offer a sensory focus to bring them back to the present.Try saying: "Can you feel your feet on the floor? Let's take a deep breath together."